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In the Bible story of the Tower of Babel, God acknowledges the ability of mankind to accomplish anything they put their mind to. A tower that would reach heaven was not what he had in mind for us, so he devised a plan to put a halt to it’s construction. All that was needed was to confuse their languages. Without the ability to communicate, they could not work together and the Tower was no longer possible.

Communication is key to success. Without it there can be no interaction. Without interaction there is no leverage. Without leverage our success is limited to our own abilities. We can only walk or run so fast. We can only lift a limited weight. There is only so much we can accomplish. On the other hand, with communication we can leverage the cooperation of others to accomplish many times over what one alone can.

In earlier posts we talked about ways to attract people, but to what end? If we can’t communicate a reason for continued contact, all our attractiveness will have caused is a “passing in the night”. It takes more than attractiveness to build a relationship. There must be meaningful communication. As an example: after completing one’s education, it is generally expected that one put their education to use either in the form of a job or by starting an entrepreneurial business. Both require communication skills. We can’t get a job if we can’t convince someone to hire us. No one will come to our business if they don’t know it exists.

Communication involves all of the senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, taste. The more senses we involve, the greater the communication. Have you ever tried to read lips? Without the sound, the motion we see is subject to misinterpretation. Touch without sight can lead to wrong conclusions as illustrated by the story of the four blind men examining an elephant. One perceived it as a tree, one as a wall, one as a snake, and one as a rope. Their perspectives were different and they came to different conclusions.

Different modes of communication have certain inherent deficiencies and strengths. Written communication can never truly depict emotion. Emotion is best shown through a combination of sight and sound. Sound alone can give a false sense of what is being said without the body language to confirm or deny the sound.

Over the next few posts, we will explore some of the aspects of communication that can make us better and increase our success.

Five lessons about the way we treat people

Here is the text of an email I received. As entrepreneur we need to take the stories to heart.

1. First Important Lesson – Cleaning Lady

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

“What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

“Absolutely,” said the professor, “In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘hello.’”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

 2. Second Important Lesson – Pickup in the rain

One night, at 11:30PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict filled 1960’s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read:

“Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away … God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole”

3.  Third Important Lesson – Always remember those who serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked

“Fifty cents,”  replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

“Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

“Thirty-five cents” she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

“I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought  the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickles and five pennies …

You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4.  Fourth Important Lesson – The obstacles in our path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the the huge rock. Some of the King’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came ny and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5.  Fifth Important Lesson – Giving when it counts …

Many years ago when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5 year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked him if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “yes I’ll do it if it will save her.” As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color return to her cheeks.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, “will I start to die right away?”

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor, he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Most importantly …

Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody’s watching!

A New Blog in Town

My good friend Pastor Steve has started a new blog to support the new church he is planting. Genesee County Interdenominational Church will follow the Purpose Driven model for church launches. The style of the services will be unconventional, but the message will be the unchanged Good News of Christ the Redeemer. 

In Pastor Steve’s own words:

We are excited about what God is going to do through GCIC and look forward to being used by Him.  We are seeking the prayers of all that read this, not that God be on our side, but that we be discerning of His will, obedient, and faithful.  Pray that we would be on His side and under His direction, making a difference in our world and His Kingdom.  There are many that have given up on Genesee County, but God has not.  He is going to do a new thing in our county and we hope you will be a part of it in whatever way God leads you.  Again, the financial costs for this launch will be high, but the returns are eternal.  We ask that you will consider giving some regular amount to help support the launch and the sustaining of this new work.  If you feel God wants you to help in other ways please let us know.  We plan to be fully self-supporting in 3 years or less.  There will be monthly reports on how the money given is being used to expand God’s Kingdom. 

Thank you for your support and prayers.

Steve and Katrina Bentley

 

Even if you are not interested in the church itself, the content on his blog is worth the effort.

Please check out GCIC’s Blog.

Attraction Principle #4 – Make Others Feel Good

“People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel!”

- Maya Angelou

 

A feeling is the most powerful motivator known to man. The feelings that we arouse in others will directly affect how they react to us. If we create negative feelings, they will be repelled. Our objective however, is to attract people. We do this by making sure that every encounter leaves the other with positive feelings. There is a three-step process that will generate positive feelings in others. Everyone wants to be Accepted, Approved, and Appreciated.

Accept

Everyone has an in-born need to be accepted. The preponderance of gangs throughout the world is a direct result of this need. Many join gangs to find the acceptance that doesn’t exist elsewhere.

Acceptance means allowing someone to be who he or she is without rejection. We don’t have to agree with every aspect of a person’s life to accept them. Allow them into your life without conditions. Remember, we aren’t perfect either. All that is required is to find some common ground or at the least an agreement to disagree. The only person we can change is ourselves.

Giving the other person the right to be himself lets him relax when he is around us. By liking the other person as he/she is gives them the power to change. It is about the stuff they are made of not the things they do or don’t do.

Acceptance is like a shot of self-confidence that empowers us to become better.

Approve

Approval goes beyond acceptance in that we accept the other person with all their faults and shortcomings and still afford them our friendship, while concentrating on their positive points. Approval finds something in the other person that we can like.

All are hungry for approval. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just find something you like and let that person know it. A sincere compliment for a virtue that is not obvious will work wonders. Praise others for their “hidden” talents and they will glow!

Appreciate

Appreciate means to raise in value and is the opposite of depreciation, which means to lower in value.

We are NOT attracted to those who lower our value, but we are always looking for those who raise our value.

In each encounter, take a moment to consider how valuable that person is to you. Next find little ways to let that person know that you value them. Remember, in each interaction, it’s not about you. People are the most important and valuable things on earth.

Here are some tips:

1. Don’t keep people waiting.

2. Thank people.

3. Treat each person as someone special

All of us want to be treated as if we were kings or queens. We want to be acknowledged as one who is unique, one who has something positive and wonderful to the situation. Never deal with anyone as if they were just a part of a group. The world is populated with persons, not people.

Nature teaches us that we can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. When we begin to put out the sweet nectar of accept, approve, appreciate, persons will flock to us.

Appreciate some one today. Send a greeting card to the person who came to mind as you were reading this blog.

Attraction Principle #3 – Exalt Others

One of the great things that are taught through the TEAM Leadership system is that every encounter should be a Win/Win situation. Any other situation requires that someone lose. How would you feel if the loser was you? Not too good I’ll bet. By the same token, others don’t want to lose either.

Attracting people requires that their encounter with us be uplifting. No one will come around if meeting us causes a feeling of loss. Building others up will cause them to enjoy our presence

Some believe that there are only finite amounts in the universe. And yet the universe is so vast that we can’t even comprehend how big it is. The numbers are too large for our finite minds! The only limiting factor is our inability to see beyond our own selves.

If there is indeed an infinite quantity of all things in the universe, then there is enough credit to go around. As the saying goes, more flies are attracted with honey than with vinegar. One doesn’t lose position, status, or standing by giving credit to others.

It is a law of the universe that we get back what we send out. If we want others to raise our self-esteem, we need to make it a practice to raise the esteem of others. When we tear others down, there will be a many others who will tear us down. We have the ability to choose to send out positive or negative consequences.

Too often we try to bring attention to ourselves by extolling our own virtues and accomplishments. A better way to become the center of attention is to be someone who is a source of nourishment for the ego, that all will seek. We will become the center of focus without trying.

Others will want to be near us because we make sure everyone we come in contact with goes away feeling a little better about their self. I’m not talking about flattery. Insincere statements are seen as pandering, brown nosing, manipulation, and insulting. Build others up by pointing out real positive points. If you can’t say something positive, don’t say anything at all.

Learn to see others as they can/will be. As we develop the ability to see others as they can/will be, we become a welcome source of affirmation. After all don’t we all like to be told that there is greatness in us?

 

Take the time today to make someone else’s life brighter. SendOutCards can help.

 

Attraction Principle #2 – Act attractive!

The key to acting attractive is attitude. We will always act in accordance with our attitude. To that end, I would recommend reading Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller.

Success Begins in the Mind

In any endeavor, your perception will color how you act. If you perceive yourself to be a winner, you will act accordingly and will win. Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”.

Sounds simple, however, there are a lot of factors that form our attitudes. Past failures and successes, how we think others perceive us, our own expectations of any given situation. All these and more go into shaping our attitude. The key is to choose which are the factors we will allow to influence us.

We become what we think about. The Bible says that a man is what he thinks in his heart. If you wish to change your attitude, change what goes into your mind. If you are constantly bombarding your mind with negative thoughts, you will reap negative consequences in your life. If you are not happy with your life, you must change something. The definition of insanity is to continue to repeat the same actions while expecting a different result. Adjust what goes in to adjust what comes out.

Watch Your Words

Communication is the key to interacting in society. It doesn’t matter how good your intentions are if you can’t communicate them. There was a commercial on TV where the parents and children were saying good positive things to each other. The message was almost lost, however, because the words were delivered with a tone of anger and sarcasm. A bad attitude will color even the most positive of statements.

Words can be damaging and carry long lasting effects. Socially unacceptable words should be avoided to protect the sensibilities of others. One will avoid thorns and briars if there is an easier path available. By the same token, people will avoid us if our words are constantly delivered in a hurtful manner.

Heaven Helps Those Who Act

The best thing one can do to raise their level of attractiveness is to associate with positive people. If those you are associating with are “less than desirable”, it might be time to rethink your friendships. There was a reason mom told you not to play with the little hooligan down the street. It has been said that in five years our personality will be a combination of the books we read and the friends we keep.

Many of us don’t make real changes in our lives because we are afraid. Fear, anxiety, and anger are very similar emotions in the human body. Anger says: something is wrong, fix it. Anxiety says: something is wrong, I can’t fix it. Fear says: something is wrong, I don’t know what to do.

Confronting fear is quite often all that is required to dispel it. Opening the mind to solutions will banish fear as the unknown factor disappears.

Actions speak louder than words. We can talk a good game, but until we act on what we know, nothing is accomplished. Understand that there will be failures along the way. Each experience can be a positive one if we learn from it. Act, fail or succeed, learn, repeat….

Help someone’s attitude today! Send a Greeting Card for no apparent reason.

Attraction Principle #1 – Look attractive!

While there are a lot of factors that make a person “attractive”, the first factor we notice is how they look. There is no way to make a second “first impression”. If we want to be attractive to others we must “look” the part.

 

Dress Attractively

 

As a part of Team we are taught to dress for success. No one will take you seriously, let alone be attracted to you, if your dress doesn’t say “attractive”. As I said before, it is important to dress appropriately to the venue you are in. A suit doesn’t work for a honey sucker and coveralls don’t work for an executive.

 

However, when we think about attraction, we must look our best. Looking our best starts with cleanliness. Soiled and/or damaged clothing doesn’t say success or attraction. Instead it screams of failure and rejection. Always dress your best when attraction is your goal.

 

If you don’t have a clue how to dress, there are people out there who can help. If you don’t have a friend who is attractive that can advice you, go to a shop where it is their job to make you look good. Even if you can’t afford to buy what they offer, you will gain valuable information that will lead you to a more attractive look. If nothing else it will give you a goal to work toward.

 

Physical Attraction

 

Short of Plastic surgery, there isn’t much we can do to change our physical features. We are what God made us. However, we can learn to accentuate what is positive and minimize the negative.

 

Just as with our clothing, our physical attractiveness starts with cleanliness. Dirty nails, greasy hair, body odor, etc doesn’t help others draw close to us. Bathe, regularly, trim your nails, trim your hair, get rid if nose hair. Use deodorant and cologne. Comb your hair and use something to keep it the way you want it.

 

If you have trouble making yourself look good with simple hygiene, consider going to a spa for a “makeover”. Yes men, I am talking to you, too. A good stylist can help you accentuate your good features and draw attention away from your less attractive features.

 

Diet and Exercise

 

I know those are two of the most hated words in America. Remember in an earlier post I talked about how different cultures and time periods look at physical stature differently? In today’s society, a lean athletic build seems to be the most attractive. Not only will working toward this preferred physique make you more attractive, it will give you better health.

 

From a health standpoint, make sure you are able to begin and sustain a diet and exercise regimen. In other words, check with your Doctor!

 

Expression

 

Pay attention to your expression! A smile is much more attractive than a frown. Do you look happy or angry? People are attracted to happiness. Smile!

 

Send someone a smile today! Send a greeting card.

Attracting people is a life long pursuit…

It starts when we are born and continues until we die.

When we are born, nature gives us a natural ability to attract others. Have you ever seen an ugly baby? It is built into us to find that small, distorted human attractive. If we didn’t, the human race would soon be extinct! Babies bring out the instinct to nurture and care for one of our own. Ultimately though, the baby will begin to assert its own will. The natural tendency is to be less and less attracted to the child, as it grows more and more independent. Eventually, the natural process causes a separation to take place.

From this point on a new method of attraction must be found.

We must attract and be attracted to the opposite sex in order that our species can continue. This is often an awkward stage. We fumble through pubescence, learning as we go. Mating rituals differ in each society, but the end result is the same. Eventually we settle into a life style based on our newfound abilities.

Some of the things we learn, while in the mating phase of our lives, carry over into our social phase. This is the time that we provide for the expansion of our own life and the expansion of our society. Unfortunately for many, the principles of attraction will go unlearned or quickly forgotten. Our success in life WILL be proportionate to the degree we have learned attraction principles.

Attraction Principle #1 – Look attractive!

Physical attractiveness varies with time and social “moods”. Long hair, short hair, beards and moustaches for men, hairstyles, make up, athletic or “rounder” build for women. Any one of a number of traits could be chosen and a historical period could be found where it was attractive, while another can be found where the same trait was not.

It behooves us to conform to the norms of our time if we wish to attract the greatest number of people in our society. It’s probably not a good idea to show up for a job interview dressed as a well off gentleman of the 18th century. By the same token, one shouldn’t show up to work a construction job in a suit. No person can truly attract a large portion of society if their appearance doesn’t fall close to current norms.

Personal hygiene is a must! The human race has progressed far beyond using scent as an attractant.

Attraction Principle #2 – Act attractive!

Persons who act in the extremes are NOT attractive.

Those who operate on the placid side will generally be ignored. They tend to blend in and become boring. Who wants to be bored?

The other extreme consists of those who must seize the limelight by any means. It is NOT attractive when your light is shining so brightly no one can bear to look.

A balance must be reached. Act confident, without offense.

Attraction Principle #3 – Exalt Others!

Many believe that there are only finite amounts of anything in the universe. Based on this assumption they think it necessary to take credit, position, or authority from others in order to rise above the crowd.
Instead of making them attractive, this ploy simply makes one an obstacle to be avoided. Lifting others up, on the other hand, makes one a source of nourishment for the ego, that all will seek.

Attraction Principle #4 – Make others Feel Good

It has been said that everyone lights up a room, some when they enter, and some when they leave.

It is important that we cultivate the ability to make others feel enriched when they are near us. Ask yourself this question each time you interact with someone: Did they get more out of our meeting than they gave? If the answer is yes, then you have enriched the other person. If not then you have drained them.

People are not attracted to that which drains or diminishes them!

In this busy world, people are looking for things that increase them, or at least make them feel greater. The better you make people feel about themselves, the more attractive you become.

“People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel!”

- Maya Angelou

A great way to make someone feel better about their self is to send them a greeting card. This is best accomplished when it is sent for no apparent reason other than appreciation of the person. We expect them on birthdays and special occasions, but a card, out of the blue, reinforces our sense of self worth.
After all if someone takes the time to express his or her feelings for me, I must be worthy of notice.

Here is an easy, economical way to send a real card.

A Free Blog Course

I’m evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they’re letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

• The best blogging techniques.
• How to get traffic to your blog.
• How to turn your blog into money.

I’ll let you know what I think once I’ve had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it’s still free.

A Start for the New Year

 

 

This is what I woke up to … 6-9 inches of snow fell in our area overnight.

Even in the harshness of a heavy winter snow, there is great beauty. The trick is in being to see it and appreciate it.

As you go through 2008 look for the beauty in life! It is not necessary to dwell on the negative. Proverbs 23:7 (KJV) says, “as a man thinks in his heart, so is he”. What we dwell on is what we become. Positive thoughts will take you a log way in 2008,

One of the best ways to improve thinking is to dedicate time for reading good books. I’m not talking about popular novels. Rather, use your time to read those things that will improve your mind and attitude. A good place to start would be The Ultimate Gift by Jim Stovall.

If you think you can, or if you think you can’t, you’re right – Henry Ford